This installment brings you into my current relationship… Sharing with you a precious journey…
In love, I have had many hurts. I have never thought I was not supposed to have love because of my size. My thoughts of lacking love were all due to my trauma. However, I have experienced love changing due to my size. I have gotten too small before in relationships and the man that promised to love and want me forever stopped. So now here I am in this relationship with my darling Jeremy. I am not the size I was when he fell in love with me – I am much larger now. I worry not because of what Jeremy has done or said but for what has happened to me in the past. I feel bad that I have so much hanging over my head that still makes me a little crazy and insecure at times. He is there for me though, through these worries.
Everyone knows when we met. Everyone knows Jeremy swept in and “saved me”. Jeremy and I met through Instagram. He was a commenter on my posts, and he always left sweet, kind, and encouraging comments. I tease him all the time that his user picture almost scared me away. He had a “I’m a guy with a creepy white van” feel to his photo! However, I reached out and told him thank you for the comments and we began to chat a little. Within a chat or two we were speaking on the phone. It was at a really bad time in my life. It was the end of September, beginning of October, and I was in Louisiana visiting my mom and wondering if I would return to New York. Then life happened and I had to return to New York for medical reasons. Jeremy was always a phone call away after that first week, our bond beginning almost instantly.
A year later In the middle of September, Jeremy took a 4/5-hour trip to Queens NY to sweep me up and bring me to a safe place. There were a lot of things that we both knew were going to be obstacles in our way and we took them head on. Jeremy showed me so much love from the first day that I arrived. He was observant of my needs and wishes. He let me cry when I needed to cry. He made sure I had space to heal. He helped me get settled and never pushed me to do anything I didn’t want to do. The first weekend I met the kids it was like we had been doing this for a long time. We just all clicked together.
Having an instant family felt good and scary. I wanted so much to be happy but all the things I had lost with my divorce was holding me down. Through the holidays Jeremy was so understanding, and we had a beautiful time together – I even was introduced to his mother. I felt so loved. His mom said for me to call her mom, and that made my heart grow for this little family. My mental health was at best ok. Soon I would get a therapist and Jeremy encouraged me on this front. He always looked out for what was best for me. We were making the house more ours and less his. We were doing things and being together. Soon I knew that I was one of the luckiest women alive because this man loves me.
Jeremy didn’t just take me in, he took in Belle, too. Jeremy is a cat guy but the way he has taken care of Belle such as hauling her to vet appointments, helping me shave her, letting her out for walks with him shows he cares. It is so sweet to watch how much she loves him. Even if I am rolling my eyes as I typed that line. Ya’ll I swear she chose Jeremy over me for loving. He has spoiled her ten times more than she already was. They just have this incredible bond!
I can’t explain how it feels to be loved the way Jeremy loves me. It is past sexual even though our sex life is, well, the best sex I have ever had. It is emotionally fulfilling. A man like Jeremy who is secure in who he is and does not try to hide anything from me has been the best medication I could have. A man like Jeremy who never puts me down but finds ways to encourage me even when we are disagreeing. Ladies, I’m not sitting here saying Jeremy walks on water. NO relationship is perfect. We all can contest to that, but ladies – when you meet the right guy it can come so close to perfect you forget to stop looking or noticing so many of the things that are not perfect.
Now we come to today. I have been dealing with feelings of fear lately. Fear that this love will go away. That this relationship will change or not be the same. Maybe I let myself fall too hard or too much. I let myself love fully before and I got broken, so what if it happens again?? SOMEHOW, he senses when I feel this way and he swoops in and makes all my fears go away. All in all, this internet relationship is a success. It was the kind that changed our lives for the better and because of this meeting place, this little thing called Instagram, I am the happiest I have ever been. XOXO, Evie