Birthday Thinking State of Mind.

Sweet Baby Jesus, how did I get to be 44 and a few hours away from 45? Obviously, that is a rhetorical question, but is it? There would be many things I could list here. I will try to keep it to the funniest Let us name a few, shall we…

• Being born- I was stuck and overdue. I flipped over on the scale.
• The time that at 2yrs old I ran down the street to my Granny’s (not related but my Granny never less)
• The time My foot and leg went through an old well covering.
• Being stung over 50 times by wasps turns out I am 100% allergic to
• I grew up in the ’80s and ’90s. with moms that let us do things like walk the roads and not having to call when your where you are going, or hey maybe you are just going to wander the woods like a lost toddler.
• I grew up in Louisiana “things like snakes are “very deadly snakes.” Alligators, Toledo Bend Lake swimming, home of Snakes, alligators, alligator Garr, and catfish as big as boats, Mud that could suck you, your cars, and your animals right up.
• I was clumsy and there was an endless line of er visits.
• I had a heart condition
• Teenager years-
• Allergic reactions,
• Depression
• Riding in the back of trucks
• Surfing in the back of trucks going 60 miles per hour or more.
• Concussions from falling off the tailgate going down a gravel road turns out fat does not mean you will bounce.
• Swimming in deep water when I could not swim…
• Mudding

So, you see how I wonder how I made it even out of my childhood. Seriously though Jesus did a lot of work to keep me around through many illnesses, my size, serve depression, and suicide attempts. Yes, I am trying to put a funny spill on being alive, but at the end of the day, I am so lucky to be alive with all my body parts intact, the only explanation is Jesus had a reason to bring me through.

Being lucky to be alive may lead one to wonder why? I have been thinking about this topic lately. My sole purpose in fighting addiction, depression, illness, and losing weight was all for one reason and one reason It was so I could have a child. After losing 2 babies, my heart was so broken. It made me ask regularly why was I alive. In the next few years life and depression took over and I gained most of my weight back, my life turned sedentary. I lost focus. I tried to cheer people up, I tried helping people that needed a friend as much as I did, I tried to encourage people in their relationships, and give people tips on anywhere from self-care to travel. I did all that feeling like my purpose in life had gone away. Until one day it seemed like maybe this could be my purpose.

Is it possible social media and helping others is my purpose? There have been many all-night talks, there have many times I wondered if I was experienced to know what to do or say. Turns out for the most part life more so over education has helped me reach out and help. God has helped me be what others need over and over. Is this my purpose? At 44, when you read this ill officially be 45. I still do not know if this is all, if this purpose is what it is. What I do know is I thankful. Thankful for a purpose.

I am thankful for the life I have had. Even the rough parts. Ever bump and scrape, fight, or disposition. I am thankful to be raised in a Christian home that my grandparents so lovingly gave me. I am thankful for a mom who even if it was a long time coming finally did the work and from that work, I have a mother that loves me. I of course am so grateful for my little fur baby. She has become my friend, my child, my constant little laugh. I am thankful for the women in my life leading up to now, that showed me to be proud of myself, through their insecurities and securities showed me who I wanted to be. I am thankful for my high school best friend being more of a sister now than a friend. I am so thankful for Jeremy. He has taken care of me more than I ever wanted anyone to have to take care of me. He loves me and has a lot of patients with me.  I am so thankful for the years I got to be an in-person aunt. Through my marriage I experienced family. Sisters-in-law that were my best friends, and brothers-in-law that felt like real brothers. Eventually, in-laws felt like parents. Those babies, who called me Aunt Evie. They are what I am most thankful for. Through the love of those two boys and three girls, I flourished. I will never stop loving those kids. Even if I cannot see them in person, my heart will always hold them close. They were my reason to do better, be better, love more, and some days my only reason to wake up. While it has been hard to learn to live without them, they still to this day are the thing I am most thankful for. Then there are my friends I have made online. The friends that check on me daily, text to see where I am at when I haven’t posted, those that generally just want to see me thrive, even those ridiculous guys that say how pretty I am when the post is nothing about my looks… They remind me that I am in fact so cute. LOL

I have so much to be thankful for on this eve of my birth. I just wanted to take the time to hold a place for it. Being thankful sometimes is not enough, you need to speak it or write it. I am sure that I have left out many things I am thankful for because I have a lot of things to be thankful for, but I did my best to list them. Thank you for another year around the sun for me. While I sort of wish this was my 35^th birthday instead of my 45^th, I am thankful for the life I have been able to have.

My hope for a new year is to walk without pain and get back into a routine to help my body and health feel better. I hope to grow in my faith so that people can see God through me. I hope to be able to make income out of this internet career. I hope to be more equipped in the things I do here online. I hope to see my mom this year. I hope to make friends and form an in-person friend gang here in Mass. I miss my NY friends a great deal so not that they could ever be replaced but I desperately need a community. So, I have my goals. I have a lot of motivation and I am ready to make 45 my year.

Thank you for reading.

Love Evie