Dearest Esther,
Hi there, you don’t know me yet. I’m Evie. I’m the new improved you. That’s right your going threw and have gone through things that no kid should have to. You know what you are so brave. You also are strong. I promise one day everything will be co much better.
Let’s start with the Easy Stuff. Do you know that girl that bullies you? You know the one. She will become your best friend for life. Your family will love her like she is your sister because that is what she becomes. Other than her you will make bad decisions about friendships, but it’s okay that will make you strong and braver than you can ever imagine.
You know how you worry every day that Nanna will die. Well, she does die way too early but not for many years. So, stop worrying so much. She absolutely doesn’t pass away on your watch. Papaw will live even longer than Nana, one day you will have to take care of him because he only wants you around. That says something about you. That says he trusts you and he depends on you. YOU will see that even further down the road as well and Esther, you will make decisions at the end of his life that you will be in pain about for some time, but remember always he loves you more than air. He will carry no grudges and you will not have to think of it ever again. But you do. That’s ok, that teaches you lessons as well.
Now let’s talk about the elephant in the room- YOU ARE LOVED. YOU ARE ENOUGH. You will not believe that, and even as I write to you to this day, I still don’t feel enough, maybe you could work on that. Now the hard part.
You know how mommy is mean and she leaves sometimes and that scares you. That is not your fault. You did nothing wrong. Mommy has problems and you do such a good job of keeping your secrets and hers. You will think you’re not loved, and you will wish over and over you’re a boy. Trust me when I say this, God made you a girl because we girls are strong and have strong hearts. God knew what he was doing. You and mommy don’t talk or see each other for a few years in your 20s but when you’re older in your 30s Mommy will become your best friend. Oh, you still fight at times but now you’re the one with the power. Mommy depends on you and listens to you. SO, you be mad, don’t back down because in the end you were so right and she was mostly wrong. But we will be grateful and not remind her of that all the time. Then finally in your 40’s, you will truly feel at peace with mommy.
Now, little Esther, let me summarize all the rest. You will not pay attention to school, it will be more of a nuisance to you. If you could pay a little more attention, please. You won’t have a boyfriend pers say. You will have the first kiss and eventually, you will have a husband, and while I think you are strong enough to reach each hill and climb it. I just want you to know that everything won’t always be great but you will be good. You don’t die before 40, and let me wipe away your tears and settle your little heart. You know how your little body hurts. It’s not all in your head, don’t worry you are not dying. NO, it’s not cancer. When you are older you will find out what is wrong and you will feel so relieved that it was not all in your head. You will be sick a lot but it makes you so strong, baby girl. You can handle so much. Your little body takes care of you way more than you should have to.
I’m so glad I know you; you were fun and creative. Maybe too creative. You were funny and moody. You love so well. While you think everyone is against you, they are not. Well except for this teacher in high school … He is an ass, ignore him… everyone that knows you mostly adore you. You will have far more wins than fails even if it doesn’t feel like it at times. Most of all little Esther, try to remember you have been loved and you are so strong.
Love,
YOU…
Finding Evie 