A Letter To Myself On My Birthday

This is turning out harder to write than I expected.  SIGH… Happy Birthday, Evie.  You’re 44, how in the world did you make it to be 44. I thought for sure you would have either offed yourself or fallen downstairs and broke your neck before now.  Nobody probably sees that as humor but it actually made me smile. One thing that you never grow out of is your clumsy “bull in a China cabinet” ways (mouth and movements). 

You have been doing some work ever since you turned 40. You have made moves that honestly still shock me. Have they been the right moves? I can’t answer that. I have thought about it a lot. There is just no straight yes or no answer. What I do know is you made a decision to move here to Mass. And honey it has been working out for you. You have been able to heal so much. I didn’t even know what I needed to heal from until I actually began to. 

Life is a mystery and it’s not your job to know the ending. It’s your job to write each page to the best of your ability. I know your heart is hurting. I know you wanted a baby and wanted a plan to get a baby at least and those dreams have become just that. Dreams. Your babies consist of two 6ft boys that don’t really want to be treated like babies. Be patient, maybe one day they will need you. 

You are working so hard; your effort is seen. Someday could be right around the corner don’t give up on getting your dream. Overall, this birthday is to be celebrated not dreaded and you so far have done a great job. I’m proud of you for keeping up the work and not letting lost friendships, aging, disappointments in life, or being trapped inside drag you down. Keep up the work and grow in your mental health practices. Give space for your feelings and know that it will help you become a more advanced human. Hello, 44 you are going to be the year I pull it all together or not. Just remember you are far better than you were and you have room to soar!  Let’s do this. xoxo


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