Well by now I hope you have had a chance to read the first installment in this new series that will sometimes be serious and sometimes funny with everything in between. Most of the stories I will be sharing were during a time in my life where there is no telling what you’re going to hear. So be prepared to be shocked, offended, etc. at the fact that it was me surviving the best I could. I was making a lot of poor decisions, and certainly was not living a pure life but it became stories to share. Today I am going to give you a shorter story. A story that I feel I have seen played out more and more online.
This story takes you way back in time – to a time when the internet was new. In this particular story I did have a brand-new Dell computer with an old-school camera to use with it. It was the early 2000’s and I’m not sure where we came across each other, but a German boy met an American girl and began speaking through what I’m sure was Yahoo messenger. His English was not perfect but it was decent. My English was and isn’t perfect either ( LOL)… We chatted and chatted through messenger and he asked to see me. We looked forward to talking during the middle to end of his day and the beginning to middle part of mine (due to time difference).
He was handsome and nice. He was the kind of FA (Fat Admirer) that loved to see you eat, and or did not mind when you said, “I’m gaining so much weight”. However, unlike a lot of FA’s, he did in fact want a family. He just wanted a very fat wife as well. He, unlike some foreign folks, did not want American citizenship. He in fact wanted me to come visit him (he would pay for it) and we could see if we liked each other and if we would fall in love in person. I of course, being the very skeptic chick that I am, did not believe a word of him paying for me to come visit. Also, at that time I was a good 680/700 lbs. I knew there was no way I was flying anywhere by myself. So somehow I got him to stop asking me. I told him I could not come there because I did not speak any German and because of my size. He sometimes would try to teach me German but I was unable to learn then and I am not capable of learning a foreign language now. Believe me, I have tried and tried.
Now, to be honest, I liked this guy very much. He was handsome, seemed kind, and liked to play games with me online. He was a good guy. We did not know each other too long before one day he said he was going to his parents’ home so he would have to see when he would be able to talk to me. The next day he logs on and he is in a room full of computers and I ask where he is and he calmly says at his parents’ house in his dad’s office/work area. I was like hmmm, ok. We speak normally. I believe his dad came in and he introduced him to me. The next day we began talking about something and he showed me around outside. There were like four “fancy cars”, and I asked whose cars were those and he said his dads and his. This is where I started getting the thoughts that this was all too good to be true. I start thinking this sweet handsome guy is just making up lies now.
Before I continue with the story, let me give you some insight into my mental state at that time. I was young, I had no self esteem, and I hated myself as much as anyone could hate themselves. Off line I was a mess to be around. I was doing a lot of self-harm things that eventually led to a big break down. I also might want to mention how I was also always drinking and I never had a totally clear mind. When I look back, I do not know if he was lying or not. Heck who knows, I could today be living like a German elite if I had not thought he was lying to me. I digress, back to the story… I chose to ignore the fact that I assumed he was lying to me. We kept speaking. I did not think this man was really falling for me or would pay my way to come to him, nor did I believe this was his parents’ home. I was so skeptical. Yet I liked how he spoke to me and the void he filled in my life. If I am to be totally honest, we would even have sexy talk. It was fun, but we also played games and had real conversations. Then he began telling me how he wanted me to move to Germany so we could be together. He said his family would take care of everything. He kept asking me for my address. He wanted to send me things. I did not want to give him my address. I did not want to give him my phone number. However, I did finally give him my cell phone number. We talked a few times but then it became too hard because he wanted to talk and my life just did not have the ability to fit it in. I begin to scale down our talks and video time. I slowly started to pick fights and just not speak to him. It hurt me. I hated hurting this sweet guy who I was so attracted to. In some ways I loved him for being so kind to me. In the end I was just trying to protect myself.
Then the big blow up happened. One morning early my house phone rang. My friend answered the phone and she handed it to me saying WTF.I take the phone and it is him – my German guy!!! I am so scared. How did he get my number? I half expected him to say he was in town and coming there. Then in fact he said I have to see you, I will travel. I said to him no. NO you can’t do that. I don’t want that, do not call me back. I then put the phone on silent out of hope he would not call back. While he did not call back on the house phone, he called back on my cell. I don’t remember that call, I just know it happened. It was painful and I am sure it is one of the many memories I have suppressed.
This is where this story ends. To me I have thought about it many times and wondered how he fared with life. Did he get his dream of a fat girl and a lovely family? Did he get his blonde American girl? I really hope he did. I wish I could remember his name, but I don’t. I remember the experience as a whole but the facts get blurry. This would be the way a lot of my relationships online would go during the 1998-2004 period of time.
Comment below some of your experiences with internet relationships. Have you had an experience where you saw some red flags but you also enjoyed the person and the conversation?
XOXO, Evie
Finding Evie 