The power of a hug. I came from a family of huggers and kissers for that matter. My mom was not huge on hugs but she was huge on them in public. You know, letting everyone think we were perfect. My Nana, who did not want affection from anyone, always wanted it from me. I think she was the cuddle I wish I could go back to the most, and that is saying a lot because my Papaw was my main squeeze. Literally! My Papaw was a lover. He was a quiet, semi shy man for being a pastor but when he loved you, he loved you. Then from my Mo-mo (a third cousin but older) she was the one person I sought affection from! I did not go one day of my young life lacking a hug and kisses . Then I turned 13 and Momo passed and papaw was not home as much. Things changed.
We can’t talk about hugs without kisses I feel. We were lip kissers in my family and omg how my friends tormented me for that. Most of my friends barely had hugs from their parents. Except for one dad, my friend’s dad was a kisser but like cheek and top of your head kissing. When he first started kissing me, I felt awkward but secretly loved it because I liked to pretend he was my dad as well. All my great aunts and uncles were kissers as well. It was just what it was. I didn’t think anything about it. My family was what it was!
Even though all this physical love was present in my life, I did not l care for hugs (exceptions would be my mo-mo and Papaw). In fact I hated being touched. I had plenty of people giving me the touch I needed (now that I look back). After 13 for a while I had little to no touch, maybe it was the absence of what I once had that made me begin to want hugs and affection once again. Around 16, my friends at school or at least most of them were huggers. My bestie was the exception but (she literally had no choice), I hugged her aggressively till she liked it. She however would never become a kisser. Don’t do it, she will deck you! Sometimes I like to sneak one in on her because she turns beet red and gets all “ugh”. Surprise, surprise Hugs seemed to be my love language.
Loving hugs also begin with little kids. They bring pure joy. I remember one of my teachers I had in 8th grade, her little girls would come running up from the elementary school, spot me, and bee line it to me for hugs. Most kids that I had been in contact with at some point in my life would be that way with me. I loved kids and little kids especially give the best hugs in the world. Other than small children, friends and my pretend dads (I had two), from the age of 13 on I don’t remember a lot of affection in my life.
Throughout my 20’s hugs and kisses were not big on my life calendar. I didn’t really have anyone to hug other than my bestie and her nephew. My world was pretty small. My grandmother was gone and my Papaw was having his own life and then he got sick.
Then I moved to New York… Not only was hugging brought back, so was kissing. The first time a stranger leaned in to kiss my cheek I almost kissed him straight on the lips because I was trying to get away. Lol it was awkward but later it was so funny. Especially once the cultural shock of it all wore off. These random kisses and hugs all began at church, and what were strangers soon became my family and I’m not sure when but I began to kiss people. Can you imagine how my Louisiana friends are toward me when I go in for a cheek… but I digress. Those hugs from my church family would be the major amount of human touch I would get for the next two years. Then I met my little, soon to be nieces and nephews and my life changed forever.
Hugs become a part of my life again. I sometimes made excuses to see my nieces ( who I met first) just to get hugs. I could have been having the worst day in the world and my little bug would crawl in my life, put her arms around me, and everything turned perfect. My oldest niece, well she didn’t love the hugs but the older she got the more into hugging she was. She was my cuddle buddy any time we got to sleep over or her with me. We would cuddle and talk long into the night. I didn’t get to experience this with my little bug because she is just now to that age. However after My divorce things are complicated and I have not been allowed to see them but we do stay in close contact, I just really miss the hugs, cuddles, and kisses.
After a while I would meet and get to know my nephews and later on they would have a baby sister. When the youngest nephew was little it would sometimes be a fight between him and my little love bug who got to sit in Auntie Evie’s lap or get the first hug. I was so worried that as he got older, he would like hugs from his aunt less, but actually the opposite is true. As he got older, he loved hugs more. LOL he even loved cuddles as long as it was letting him get to watch YouTube when he wasn’t allowed. Then there was my oldest nephew who was more reserved. The first time my oldest nephew hugged me without me asking him to, I cried. Soon the boy’s little sister was born, My little hellcat. She wrapped everyone around her little finger and it was always a struggle to get a number in the line to hold her. I didn’t have to wait too long till I was one of her top choices. I was the top pick as a play partner, and one to tell on the big kids too. She let me get away with things she would not let her mom do. Like painting her nails and putting her hair in pigtails. She gave the best hugs; she would throw her little body at you and just hug you till you let go. I miss those little hugs so much. Sadly I have no contact with the nephews and my little Hellcat. I love them so much even to this day, I spend a lot of time thinking about them…
Then I moved here, to my new life. My love – well he’s not a big cuddler, he also is not big on hand holding or hugs and kisses in a casual way. When he kisses or hugs it’s normally because there is a reason behind it or leading to a reason. I get plenty of love from him, he is just not casual about it. However, his baby son is, OR maybe he knows I am and allows it to happen? I’m not really sure which it is. However, he will offer me a hug at random times and truthfully any time I ask for one I get one. On the other hand, I have to chase down the oldest to hug me. I asked for Christmas for one thing, and I’ll be happy to report I got two hugs on different days from the oldest boy and it made my entire Christmas. This past year was really a work of patience and relationship for him and I. Those hugs meant so much.
As you can see hugs have a big history for me. A deep love for being close to people, feeling their emotions, knowing that you have someone that cares enough to hold you close even when I didn’t want it, it played a huge role in my life. HUGS literally lift your moods. I am so blessed for having many amazing huggers in my life. There are so many of you my followers I wish to hug.
What does hugging mean to you? Are you a hugger, kisser, or both?
Xoxo, Evie
Finding Evie 