I have been thinking a lot about losing people lately. When you reach a certain age, you know that it will not be long before you are parentless. When you have a pet for so many years you know your time is short. So many of my friends lately have been losing parents and pets. This hits a thought with me that I can’t shake.
Most of you know my mom and I did not have a good healthy relationship until I was around the age of 31. When I left my town of 29 years my mom and I had just begun to heal. If you know anything about my life you know this was a healing process that took more than a few minutes. More like a few years. I’d say when I was 36 my mom and I really began to be at peace. She can still rile me up but for the most part, a very beautiful peaceful relationship that I think God for every day. My mom has gone through so much in the last few years and recovered from all of it alone. I have come to admire her for not only the way other people love her but for her ambition and her meaningful heart.
She has shown me more love in the last 15 years than I had the entire 18 years I was in her home. It does not feel fair that I have not seen her in 6 years. I can’t believe it has been so long. There are always reasons we can’t see each other. Illness, hurricanes that destroy homes, Covid, money, ability to get around. It had just been one thing on top of the other. We talk a decent amount, but for someone as busy as my mom with horrible phone functioning skills, and me who shies away from talking to anyone we don’t talk nearly enough. All of this makes me think of what I will do when she isn’t around anymore.
Will it feel like another day? Or will I feel the loss even far away? Will I feel it in my bones when my final close family member is gone? Will my life ever be the same after she is gone? I want to see my mom. I wish so badly that something I would do would build up and I would begin to really bring in income so that I could encourage my mom to live close to me, although I know her answer would be no because she likes her community and the freedom she has there. It’s tough being in such a small family and having no one to depend on but yourself.
Then we have my sweet Belle who in November will be 14. I have had my little fur baby for 14 wonderful years. She has been my sidekick, My friend, my baby, my little love. I could not have asked for a better dog. She trained so easily and has adapted time and time again. I really am grateful these last four years that she has gotten to experience stability in a home. She nor I have had no stability for ten years until we moved here. For the last four years, Jeremy has provided and loved us both so well, giving us the stability we have come to depend on.
Belle may bite me and growl at me constantly but she also stays in whatever room I’m in. She guards the bathroom when I go and every now and again, she will let me hold her and love on her. Of course, she always loves me more when I have treats. This is when I am her favorite person.
Being that sweet Belle will be 14 and she has a few conditions I am constantly worried about. I have become a helicopter mom and I’m sure it is annoying to her. I wake her up from sound sleep just to make sure she is in fact breathing. I want to cuddle her all the time and one a day is her max limit. I honestly do not know what I will do when she is no longer here. She has been everything good to me. I love her more than most people in my life and even typing this makes me cry.
Do we think about death too much? Is it something we should not think about until it happens or is it smart to prepare? How do you prepare for the worst pains in the world? How do you handle death? I would love for this to be an interactive blog. I’m really interested in preparing for death or not. xoxo, Evie
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