I could blame Jeremy for buying me the bunny. I could just be like, well, I ate the entire bunny because you bought it for me – no that would not be right. I chose to eat the entire bunny and therefore the tummy ache was from me!
This is National Blame Someone Else Day, and this is a day that is a personal reminder of who I was and how far I have come. Blaming someone is normally the easy way out of pain. However, no matter how much you tell others something is not your fault you have to live with knowing it really was. Unless you’re one of those people who, on rare occasions, is able to convince themselves the lies are the truth.
It was so easy to blame my mom, blame my friends, blame my “past” for all the dumb things I did in my 20s but the truth is I chose to blame those people and not take the blame myself. Every little thing I could blame I did. Due to some really bad therapy, I got the idea that I should blame those things and people. Blame would continue to be how I lived my life, moving from person to person. It even followed me to my marriage.
Blame in fact took over my marriage. I blamed my ex for not being prince charming. I blamed him for never being home and not putting me before his career which made me lonely and insecure about my place in his life. I blamed him because I didn’t know what else to do. Here is the thing though, in my 20’s I chose to blame my mom, my life, and my friends for all my poor decisions. When I tell you I made mistakes that is an understatement. I made poor choices that affected my health, I relished in addictions, one right on top of the other. Every time I made a poor decision I’d have something/someone to blame. Once I was married life was a bit better/and I was a bit better, but I began to blame my husband. I blamed him for all the choices I made out of hurt, anger, and bitterness. I began to live like “he did this to me so I can do this back”, and I would always have someone to blame.
Y’all if I can ever make a statement that you remember, it would be: “ Blame only takes away from your life. Once you are able to say ‘I did this, how do I make it better’, the sooner you will become a happier healthier person”. It has taken over 4 years of great therapy, a spouse with patience and kindness, grief that played a part, and God leading me to a place where I no longer need to blame anyone for my actions, thoughts etc. I may do things because of my past still but I recognize that it was/is my responsibility that has led me to act the way I am.
Then forgiveness to all those people and things, followed by forgiveness to yourself. Leave blame in your past and make careful good decisions on facts.
How to leave Blame in the past!
- Creating Awareness-which may seem like playing a guessing game but putting the finger on exactly why are you blaming this person, where does the blame come from.
- Give yourself compassion. This can include letting go of being the victim, giving yourself love, and realizing we are only human and mistakes will be made. This is a good time to also give compassion to those folks or situations you have been hanging on to, to use for blaming.
- Challenge yourselves to look at the situation in another light.
- Learn – learn from your mistakes! Yup, that very thing your parents used to throw at you. That is the exact thing you need to be doing. See your mistake and learn how to prevent it from happening again by why did it happen in the first place.
- Focus on your future, look for ways to use your new skills and see all the things possible now you don’t have blame holding you hostage.
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