Diary 101 – #7

Taking a few moments to write down my thoughts in my journal.

Dear Diary,

I used to start all my diary entries that way. Like my diary was a magical person. Thankfully I know God hears my entries. Which in a way is good and, in a way, not so great? Makes me a little embarrassed about what I write or even think for that matter. Anyway, that is a random thought right from your brain of yours truly. 

That is how it is to be me, my brain is always going and sometimes going in the most random ways imaginable. These past two weeks have been so extremely taxing. Life goes along and I won’t lie, my life is pretty dang good. I am happy and in love. I have two kids now because that is how it feels with Jeremy’s boys. I love them with all my heart. I have the man of any woman’s dreams, one that loves me, spoils me, respects me, and encourages me. My presence online has been positive and moving into a positive space. I am, on all accounts, lucky. However, there is someone or someone’s out there that is so full of hate for me they will not stop trying to attack me. I am not even sure if these attacks are different people or just all the same ones. 

For all the articles, research I have done, the best I can understand is that you have to have some proof of cyberbullying. People who can verify it as well. You have to file a claim in the country you are in, and when it involves someone from another country you have to produce proof in the area that the bully is from. 

I do not know the purpose of cyberbullying. I do not understand someone having so much time on their hands that they can make an email and Instagram page and then sit there and Dm people from my Instagram following. I literally never have time to just sit and scroll. Every time I am online, I am working. I am not sure how it’s possible to be so important to someone that they have made a hobby out of hating me. I have had people that have really hurt me but I have never set out to hurt them as well. 

 This particular bully has tried to make my friends break up, they have tried to discredit my friendship with people, they dm people that follow me to talk bad about me, they have tried to slut shame me, publicly listed my ex-husband’s name as well as my fiancé’s, and even attacked my current relationship. That is just recently. I have been under attack for 3 years and every year I think this will be the year it ends yet it’s not. 

I keep thinking cyberbullying is something children and teens do. I am a 43-year-old woman and I am facing it almost daily lately. I can’t imagine what young children and teens go through. How traumatizing must it be to not know where to turn and what to do? I’m sure their first thought is oh no people are going to believe this person. This followed with “my life is over”. Mostly because as kids we do think that our lives are overdue to what others think. 

Thank God I know that my life will not be over with lies told by someone that hates me. Yes, some people will believe what others say but if they truly know me and understand who I am, they know that my heart is good, and my desire is only to help others. You know me, you also know my imperfections and the mistakes I have made in my life. All across my social media, here in my blog, I have talked about my imperfections. I do not try to hide any of them.  

Kids and teens today have it so much worse than we did as kids. I can’t imagine having access to the internet back then. I’m pretty sure I would be mortified. Especially with the idea that anyone could be taking videos etc. to have online. I honestly would have hated being a kid with access to social media. Sometimes now I wish I could just go back to a time we didn’t have a computer at our fingertips. I digress. Bullying is not a thing to be proud of.  Bullying will never have the outcome the bullies attend. It will not be nearly as bad as you think it will be. Adult or child, you are brave, strong, and loved. Today my bully lives to bully another day. I will pray for my bully to have joy and happiness in their life so maybe they can leave mine alone.

XOXO, Evie

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