What is this thing called LOVE LANGUAGE?

Love language – it is the way that you show and or receive love. Knowing your love language can be helpful. Knowing your spouse’s love language can be a game changer. Just ask anyone who was ever in a marriage that didn’t work.  The failure comes usually from the spouse knowing, but not caring or does not know period the way you want to be loved. Each spouse taking time to know the other’s love language can help you but to feel secure and appreciated. 

There are five forms of love language. 

  • Words of affirmation – The only love language revolves around verbal expression. Phrases Like I love how you …., I’m thankful for you, You’re amazing etc.
  • Quality time- This is centered around togetherness-eye contact, active listing (“let me get this straight”, “So you are saying “), turn off the electronics 
  • Physical touch-means exactly what it says. You can shoe physical touch through intimacy (sex , hugs, kisses, intimate touching) but it can also be back rub, a pat on the knee, sitting close, holding hands, and some people likes to be constantly touching someone but don’t necessarily need to be touched back.
  • Acts of service- it’s all about the little things, and the attention to detail. Paying attention to your spouse’s schedule to see when she needs some extra time, getting their car filled and washed, cooking for the night, helping finish a project they have started and really over doing it’s all in the details. 
  • Receiving Gifts-is actually receiving gift small and or large to show that your spouse loves you. Does your spouse love chocolate and you work near a chocolate tier store. Stopping buy just to bring them spouse a treat. Or planning a vacation and giving it to them…. It’s all about the details again….
Examples of how the 5 love languages are expressed.

Love language seems to be one of those from my experience that changes over time. I used to be all about receiving gifts and words of affirmation. Those were my big two with touch sliding into third. I don’t think it is a bad thing that your love language changes. It keeps life interesting.  I think it says a lot about you if it does. Maybe you’re maturing or life has just changed you. Whatever it may be, try to always be honest to yourself and ask for what you need.

Let me tell you there is a test you can take online that will tell you what your love language is:

https://www.5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/love-language

I took the test and frankly mine was not very straight forward. I got 30 % in Acts of service, 27% in Physical touch, 20% in quality time and 13% of Words of affirmation, 10% receiving gifts.  My opinion on this test is that you can’t really take this test once and expect it to mean the same with every relationship you have. I know my percentages for words of affirmation would have been way higher with my ex. I craved his attention and good graces. My fiancé gives me plenty of affirmations so I don’t feel like I need them as much.

I was shocked when physical touch was second in line. I don’t really love to be touched as much as I love touching my spouse. It’s not that I don’t like to be touched, I just have rules about it. For reasons such as physical pain and also mental health form past abuse.  I don’t know how correct it is, but I do think it is really close to the truth. I don’t want just one thing from a spouse, I want a little of it all. I Need a little of it all. NOW what does that mean?  xoxo, Evie

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