Sometimes love stories do not end the way you ever expected them to or wanted. However, staying on topic of internet relationships and it being the month of love and heart health, I wanted to only talk about the true romantic loves in my life. To do that I can’t not talk about my Ex.
Again, we will roll back time to 2006. I was 28 and October came around – at least I think it was October. October would have a lot of significance over the years. Dr. H found me on myspace through a mutual friend. He was only 17, and I told him that I would not speak to him in a “relationship way” because he was too young. Well, we became friends and I tried to shake him more than once. Nothing I did would shake him and as his 18th birthday came around, he let me know that he was legal now and I needed to give him a chance.
During those months after his birthday, I would find out he hacked my email, my photo albums I had on line, and he was actively keeping track of me through my emails. I thought this was sweet and I loved how possessive he was with me. This is NOT how I should have felt! He sent me Christmas gifts that were thoughtful and amazing. He would help me with my college work and he helped me to start again and maintain my weight loss. He and I could talk for hours and did. When I was so upset he would sing to me. Sometimes I try to still remember how he sounded while signing (because again, it wasn’t all bad.)
As summer approached, I heard from that “mutual friend of ours” that her boyfriend would be in the states and since I was friends with him as well, that she and her boyfriend should meet up with my friends and I half way between our two states, which was in Missouri.
It was a full day and a half drive for us both. So, the closer and closer July fourth got, the more excited I was. Dr. H was acting like he didn’t want me to go. He was clearly setting me up but I didn’t know that then. So, my friends and I set out and I’m texting with Dr. H and he was not answering and playing phone tag. I was so upset because I did not know what was going on. That night he told me he was busy playing basketball all day and I knew he was lying. I started accusing him of lying and asked him if he wanted this over before it even began. This was when I realized how I had fallen for him. Was this love? My heart was breaking at the thought he was lying to me. That night we spoke on the phone and I was to the point of thinking how ridiculous I was for getting feelings for a kid that was clearly going to lie to me. And that was when he said, “Yes Evie – I am with another woman and her boyfriend trying to surprise you so I can have that first kiss”. My heart stopped. He was so sad that the secret was blown. As he would remind me over the years, I totally did not respond in the right way.
Although it got rocky there for a few hours we did meet, we did have our first kiss, and he let my best friend and I know that he would marry me one day. OMG ladies, if you have never had a guy say to someone “she has to go home with you but trust me she will marry me one day so take care of her for me till I can do it myself”, then you will never know how I felt in that moment. I returned home in awe of this guy. I was 28 and he was 18.
For the next two and half years, Dr. H would fly into Louisiana and we would spend a week to two weeks together every summer and Christmas. The first visit was at Christmas, and I was so very sick with bronchitis and possibly phenomena. I had a high fever, the poops – it was terrible. He said he was still coming, and he took such good care of me. At one point I was too weak to shower and he got in with me and looked at me, putting his hand to the side of my head saying, “you are my China doll and I’ll always take care of you”. Well in the moment I knew I was in trouble. That second summer visit he proposed to me on the riverbanks of my childhood (You know the easter egg scene in Steel Magnolias where they have to find the dad in the bunny outfit – yep that is where he proposed). It was a Sunday and hotter than all hell (literally), and although it was a Sunday you could hear someone hammering and sawing. It felt like my grandpa was there – he had passed the April before. My family loved Dr. H. My mom was on cloud 9. Although losing me to New York was a lot for her and my friends to take in, I would not be leaving for a year and they were still scared for me.
The year till he and his best friend came to pick me up was full of up and down emotions. I was packing up all my things and deciding what to do with my sweet little dog. I was also getting up the courage to leave everything I knew and everyone I loved. Did I mention my sweet little dog I had to leave behind…? This all was discussed constantly over the phone between Dr. H and I. There was a lot going on, on his end and mine. He was having to arrange to transfer schools, get an apartment that was appropriate for us both and do it all by telling his parents as little as possible. His parents were not a fan of me or the situation. Which for the record I totally understand! We began arguing a lot. Breaking up and getting back together. We had a few really shaky moments but somehow, May arrived.
Those last few days my heart hurt and it was exciting all at the same time. Every time this man was around me, he looked at me so heated I felt like I was going to melt under his glare. He would hold me and make me feel loved and beautiful … Oh how he made me feel beautiful. In no time he was picking me up. The next few decisions we made were possibly not thought through. We had planned to go to Key West as a vacation before we started our new life.
That trip was painful, confusing, and it gave us lots of material to fight about over the next few years. As an older and wiser woman, I can truthfully say we were both acting like children. While he had the excuse that he was a child, I did not. I was a 30-year-old woman but I definitely didn’t act it. Our life after this point was a huge off and on of good and bad days. We both found Jesus and friends in the faith. We became involved with many things, moved three times and right before we got married we had a huge loss in the form of our Best Man/his first cousin . After that loss Dr. H’s family started liking me and letting me in. I guess they figured I was not going anywhere. After that he and I fought like cats and dogs, but we loved equally as hard. Things had changed between us. We fought so hard over the stupidest of things. But soon it was wedding time.
We would wait till we were 24 and 34 to be married. We had a beautiful wedding, breathtaking and perfect in its own way. We would be married for 6 and half years. I am going to end my story here. Because it is February, and it is a month of love and hope, and it is also heart health month. I did have love with my ex-husband and he taught me so much. He loved me the only way he knew how, and I loved him more than I have ever loved another human being.That’s a lot of pressure to put on someone. Especially since I had a script I wanted to follow! I wanted the life we planned together. I wanted to see forever with him. As I look back now, I can say we loved, lost, and expected too much of each other.
Internet relationships do work out. Long distance relationships do work out. Mine did till it didn’t, but it was a part of my life I will never forget. My advice to you, is really to know someone before you uproot your life. Don’t set a script for what you want your life to be. Learn to live day by day rather than year by year. Everyday is so precious and every moment can be the best of moments. I have a memory file of precious, exciting, sweet, loving, fun moments and a file of not so good ones. But it is the good ones I tend to hold on to. XOXO, Evie