I am fat. What does that mean in 2020? If you could have asked 1996 fat seventeen-year-old me I never would have suspected that 41-year-old me would live in a world that fat was almost becoming acceptable. But is it? In many ways the answer is yes. Fat is not the bad word it once was. It surprises me when people act like it is.
The norm… Is the norm to me saying “I am fat” because I surround my self with fat media? Is it because I try to associate with people that look similar to me, support people that look similar to me, have the desire to be with, be friends with people that look and feel like I do? The answer is probably yes.
On the other hand, saying “I am fat” sounds pretty normal in 2020 because of main stream social media. Such as movies stars, singers, rappers, social media stars. I’m constantly amazed at the number of fat babes killing it daily on social media. For example, where tik tok was once a social media hub for teenagers it is now a place where you find all ages and sizes and yes that’s right fat women. Not just with one or two followers but fat women with large followings.
I like this wave; I want to ride it for as long as it last. I worry that the wave will end way to fast. I hope it isn’t one of those fleeting fast trends. As #findingevie I try so hard to be open and honest. Yet at times I feel I block some of my deep fat thoughts, achievements and even fears. Is it so I do not seem down about being fat? Society seems to think if we have one weak moment about our bodies, if we have one negative thought, or interaction that our entire fat life is horrible and how can we possibly enjoy it.
An example is: A thin person can go on a hike taking the expert trail and can come back exhausted with a sprain foot. Their friends would have no issue. Tell them that they will heal up find and next time they would do better. Then let’s say I go on that same hike and have the same injuries. Those same supportive friends would tell me that I should know better to go on such a hard walk, that my body can’t take that. I need to be in better shape, next time I should take the beginner trail. Or the ever-present statement, “maybe you should lose some weight before you try that trail again”.
This new fat revolution is shaky ground, us adults of a very different era have a hard time trusting it. We hang back letting the younger generation with blind faith in it. I am really tired of sitting on the side lines. I’m not really one that likes the sidelines when I can be in the main game play. However blind faith? EEK I just hold my breath and jump into the wave.
I am fat. Not always will my days be perfect. I will not always be in perfect condition, I want always love everything about my life, my body or my healthy. I will love being alive, and having a body that allows me to breath and move. I am fat, I will love being able to hug those I love, remember holding the ones I care about, near and far … I am fat and I don’t plan on trying to be anything other than what I am.
If this last for a min or forever, I hope I will always be someone that women and girls can look to for truth. Not just truth of how life is , but truth of my feelings of how being fat is . How the world is treating not just me but all of us fats. For all of us just figuring it all out. XOXO E.
Finding Evie 