I have lived here 3 years and my very friendly next-door lady has been very kind to me. For some reason I have not been my normal self and went for the immediate connection (I’ll explain more on this later). We’re in year 3 of friendship now, and I am just now beginning to warm up to the idea of this great connection. Recently she and her daughters came over, and I have wished so many times that they would pop over and hang!
Last night as we sat out by our fire, I was engaged in conversation with the teenager daughter as her mother talked with the other adults. I found myself asking why I do not have more commonality with other adults. Why do I still refer to people as “old people” when I in fact am middle aged myself.
I have some of that answered – I have been in therapy for these past three years and this very topic has come up. I have discovered I have always either associated with women my mothers age or girls 10 to 20 years younger. Therapy has taught me that in some ways the bonds I make now are to make up for those bonds I did not have when I was younger. A lot of the time my bonds were with people that were not good for me and now I feel left out now when women my age get together.
Knowing that, I feel I missed out on a lot of life. I identify with younger people because I did not have a lot of positive experiences at all when I was in my teens and twenties mainly due to becoming an alcoholic and not being able to interact well with others. Then when I reached sober 30’s and life was semi “normal”, I was in a relationship with someone 10 years younger than I am. They say age is just a number, and we said that many times ourselves defending our relationship and then marriage. I soon found myself surrounded with friends that were more around my husband’s age than mine and this felt totally normal. Age would soon show up in differences in our lives: I wanted kids and he wasn’t ready. I wanted to settle down and he was still in college. I wanted a life with him and he wanted a life outside of us. I felt then that friends had time to do things in/with their life and I was running out of time.
Then 40 hits. Omg that was so scary for me. Here I was 40 and I had so many life changes going on. I was overloaded. My body was changing, my mind was mourning the loss of my marriage, family, friends, and lifestyle. I was confused with everything. I moved to a new place with a boyfriend 6 years older than me with an established life. I felt all kinds of loss. One of which is having to accept that I would never be a physical mother of my own flesh and blood. I threw myself into social media and worked hard to build my brand as a content creator. Like with everything I attempt, it took way longer than it should have before I found a niche that half way works for me. Knowing what I know now, it has made me feel so much better knowing “age dysphoria” isn’t a bad thing – it is actually quite normal.
Now I can’t help but wonder: is age dysphoria looked at as normal because of the media constantly stressing things like “30 is the new 20” and “30 is the new 40”? How old are the people actually making up these new rules? Well, doing a little research I found that people are saying 30 is the new 40. Why? Reasons like people in their 40’s have begun to really have inspiration and drive in the professional field and 30-year-olds of today have either made their mark or are still trying to figure out their mark. Media is bringing models, actors, and actresses to the forefront that are in the second stage of life more and more. Humans in general are beginning to look younger longer. I mean look at movie stars, we have some amazing women today that look nowhere near their actual age. Demi Moore at 58, Sarah Jessica Parker at 56, and Reese Witherspoon at 45. These women do not look their ages. I myself am always told I look in my 30’s.
Why are people looking younger? Humans are staying more up to date with current issues outside of politics and the 5 o’clock news and are trying to extend the social divide with things like “40 is the new 30”. We are being actively involved with bettering ourselves professionally and physically. Humans are generally taking better care of themselves by staying out of tanning beds and wearing sun protection. We are keeping up with the current fashion trends, and using products to smooth, tighten, lighten or darken our skin which trick the senses into fooling others about our real age. There are tons of products and tools out there to “trick the senses”, not just for others but for ourselves as well.
One of the ways I have tricked myself is by using certain scents. I choose to wear scents that remind me of when I was young, and I stay mostly with the sweet-smelling scents. I have been working with a company this past year called Dossier. They make perfumes inspired by name brand fragrance. Trying the scents has been a great experience so when they reached out to me again I chose to try out their scent Oriental Oakmoss. Oriental Oakmoss is inspired by the iconic Coco Mademoiselle by Chanel. If you look up Coco Mademoiselle you will see that the fragrance itself was made to capture a young Coco Channel. So of course, when I saw Dossier had a scent that was inspired by the famous Chanel scent, I just had to try it. Not only did I try it, I took it to my friend who only wears Chanel exclusively. Guess what? She could barely tell the difference!! This made me wish I had done it as a blind test! While this is a scent I sought out, you may have an affordable scent you would like to seek out that makes you feel young and fabulous while not having to pay the designer brand prices. You can have your very own Dossier perfume using my code, which will save you 10% on top of a 20% savings already on the site (total savings of 30% off an already low price)! Click here: Dossier Discount From Evie. If there is one thing I have learned about being someone who has reached her 40s, it’s this. One important thing about aging well is you learn how to manage your money a lot better and shopping doesn’t always have to mean breaking the bank. If I can do it affordably, so can you. Let me know in the comments below what scent you chose to try out today!